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It's a mode of perception, an attitude, an ethos: So in this age of mainstreaming, where gay men come out of the closet not to attend dinner parties of catty queens like themselves and the cast of Boys in the Band but to a room of welcoming members of society both straight and gay, how can we form a culture of our own?

If there are a million ways to be gay, can we settle on a few key experiences every gay man should experience to draw them together? Everyone needs a Kylie, even if you think Time Bomb is kind of a crappy song. Having a strong female icon is somehow central to the gay identity for more on that, pick up Halperin's book and harkens back to the darkest days of gay identity when these troubled broads were the closest thing you could find to a representation of gay life. Just pick one, and never ever ever ever leave her. Even if it's just once for Halloween, go out in the world wearing the clothing of the opposite gender.

It will it unleash a personality you didn't even know you had in you and it will make you OK with femininity. So many gay men are afraid of even the slightest bit of swish being detected. But one night when the femme is in total control will never make you fear it again. And it will put you in touch with the brave bottle throwers who started the Stonewall Riots back in the day. Everyone used to know to glance over your shoulder after three steps if you were interested in that sexy stranger on the sidewalk. There was a complex network of looks and signals that men used to use to attract each other, something that made gay men much more attuned to body language and perceptive than our straight counterparts.

Learn how to do that. Not only will it improve your gay experience, but the way you interact with everyone. Street cruising is mostly dead — no, it can't be done on Grindr — but a trip to a bath house will teach you all you ever need to know. If only so people will get your jokes about Rush and Jungle Juice, know what poppers are.

You don't have to use them, but it's one secret we've kept from most of the gay community for decades so we have to keep it going. It's our version of Colonel Sanders' secret recipe. Get out there with a picket sign and some anger and fight for your rights.

Even before Stonewall we have a long history of fighting the man, and that should never die. You can collect signatures for marriage equality or you can join an Occupy protest and fight income inequality, but never stop fighting.

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