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He needed to be safe. He could communicate with his potential friend during the week but not at home—not during family time. Their lives were eerily parallel: They were bisexual and married to heterosexual women, had kids and wanted to remain married but be able to explore their sexuality.

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It was all planned, but now it was going to happen. Intellectually, I had wrapped my head around it, but my heart was still lagging behind. Those first few times he met his friend, I had what I can only describe as out-of-body experiences. I found that I needed to maintain as much normalcy as I could, which meant staying home with our three kids, going through familiar motions. There were definitely moments when it felt imbalanced. There was the time when I was picking up the kids from daycare from two different locations in a snowstorm on my bike because he drove to visit his friend.

Or when the kids were exceptionally challenging at bedtime and there were three loads of laundry to fold. But being with the kids and doing routine things kept me focused on why I was doing this.

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It was sometimes painful to watch him put in a little more effort than he normally would. I found it easier not to have any contact with him on those days until I received a text around 9: He was coming home. I had made it through. He and his wife decided to end their marriage. I held my breath as I asked my husband if this changed things for them, for him or for us.

This had been my fear from the beginning. I was the love of his life and he was still very much attracted to me—as surprising as it may sound, we were still sexually active, even more so during this time. The level of openness and transparency this required actually brought us closer. But the roller coaster ride just kept on going. Shortly after his friend and his wife split, Mike came home in tears. Yet another first, and yet another challenge to navigate.

If it was just a physical release for my husband, why was he so emotional? Did the fact that he was so visibly distraught mean that he was in love, too? Help him write an ad for a new same-sex partner.

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We worked on it together over a glass of wine on our front porch, smiling and waving at unknowing neighbours as they walked by. Humour was key as we tried to move forward and enjoy the rest of the summer as a family. We had a few more cottage weekends and seemed to be having fun. But things felt different, and I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feared that the shift I had worried about from the beginning was happening.

That first week of school, I was scrolling through pictures on my phone when I came across one that made my heart sink. Just a few days later came his final disclosure at the breakfast table. There just were no more options for us as a couple. Immediately, the business of carefully dismantling our marriage began. Everything that had felt so natural for the past 21 years suddenly felt taboo—I had to stop myself from reaching for his hand or his mouth to kiss.

My sadness and anger had no target—our situation was blameless. So I made another vow to myself: A week later, we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We lit some candles on the front porch, opened a bottle of champagne and toasted to new beginnings. It was scary, and it was sad. Subscribe to our daily newsletter! It was no surprise, but painful nonetheless, when he told me that he had developed feelings for his Wednesday-night friend and that they were going to pursue a relationship. This was the hardest part for me. Their relationship represented everything I overcame in the past two years out of love for him.

It was hard enough that our marriage was ending, but to know that he was in love with the man I had worked really, really hard to accept as his physical partner felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. And with my heart further behind in the acceptance process, I did what I knew had to be done: I stepped aside and let him go. When it was time to start spreading the news, we decided to tell close friends and family first.

Not surprisingly, everyone was sad but supportive. Telling the kids was harder—there never is a perfect time. We told the younger two first and kept it really simple for them. She knew what it meant but admitted that she was confused. I mean, after all, we were happy and rarely fought.

I grieved hard for the end of our marriage.

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It was hard to watch him start his new life while I surveyed the damage in mine. I allowed myself a short time to grieve. The two years we spent working it out helped me let go faster my heart did finally catch up! Life needed to go on, and I had three kids who needed me. I let my children see a window into my sadness but was also able to show them my strength and excitement around rebuilding me.

His discovery freed us—I see that now. Neither one of us could have continued on the path we were on, no matter how much love there was between us.

When came to an end, I was ready to focus on me— was going to be my year. I saw an opportunity for my own fresh start, and it was empowering to start thinking about things that would make me happy. He, like others I spoke to, seemed resigned to living a life that contained a certain amount of risk, whether online or in public. He finds it natural that people might change the tools they use to find one another, but he hopes that they will hold onto the awareness learned from cruising. Insatiably curious, they made the city theirs, hanging out in graveyards, even learning Urdu just so they could read the headstones:.

After managing to get away, the girls took a bus to a tea shop so they could discuss what to tell their parents.

This theme is also seen in The Other Love Story , an Indian series that launched on the queer streaming service Revry in the fall of It portrays the danger of discovery for queer women while in the cloying privacy of the family home. Set in the late s, it follows the friendship of Aachal and Aadiya, two teenagers who attend different colleges each day in Bangalore before returning home to their families. Roopa Rao, who wrote and directed the series, says that this was how she grew up; she had little privacy, and slept on the couch in the living room.

She wanted to see a queer story with that kind of ethos onscreen, and finally decided to make one herself. In contemporary India, queer spaces are in a sort of limbo. The Indian Supreme Court briefly repealed the colonial hangover law outlawing same-sex relationships in , only to reinstate it in Pawan Dhall, who edited Queer Potli , says of the past: Several Facebook groups specific to Kolkata or Bengal turn into forums for announcing activities at the park. Last year at least two queer networks organized open-air socializing meetings in the park during Durga Puja.

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Today, transportation is becoming a popular testing ground for new queer awareness and codes. People are less afraid to stare, and less likely to do anything to you if they catch you staring. In these transitory spaces, a quick exit is an easy option. In addition to his photos of Elysian Park, Dinco also directed Homeboy , a documentary about queer Latinx men who were also former gang members.