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Hobbes is a reporter for HuffPost and recently wrote a mini-book-length piece titled "Together Alone: The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness. Loneliness, Hobbes explained to me, is an evolutionary adaptation, a mechanism that prompts us humans—members of a highly social species—to seek contact and connection with others, the kind of connections that improve our odds of survival.

You don't have very many social contacts. Being lonely, on the other hand, is subjective: You feel alone, even when you're with other people.

AARP Pride: The Gay Man's Guide to Dating After

This is why advice like 'Join a club! The most effective way to address loneliness, according to Hobbes's research, is to confront it directly.


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This doesn't mean that his perceptions are unfounded—our society is terrible to its elders in general and its LGBTQ elders in particular—but there may be opportunities in his life for intimacy that he's not tapping into. Acquaintances LAG hasn't checked in on for a while. Random cool cousins LAG never got to know. Volunteering gigs you fell out of. It's easier to reanimate old friendships than to start from scratch.

If you're looking for love, these tips will get you headed in the right direction.

And if your therapist doesn't know of any good support groups—or if you don't feel comfortable telling your therapist how miserable you are, or if you've told your therapist everything and they haven't been able to help—find a new therapist. I'm a fortysomething gay male. I'm single and cannot get a date or even a hookup. I'm short, overweight, average looking, and bald. I see others, gay and straight, having long-term relationships, getting engaged, getting married, and it makes me sad and jealous. Some of them are jerks—and if them, why not me? Here's the part that's hard to admit: I know something is wrong with me, but I don't know what it is or how to fix it.

I'm alone and I'm lonely. I know your advice can be brutal, Dan, but what do I have to lose? You might not ever meet anyone," said Hobbes. Maybe we're damaged, maybe we're all saving ourselves for a Chris Hemsworth, but spending our adult lives and twilight years without a romantic partner is a real possibility. It just is.

Dan Savage advises a trio of late bloomers.

And it's not just gay men. In Going Solo: More than 50 percent of adult Americans are single and live alone, up from 22 percent in Some are unhappy about living alone, but it seemed that most—at least according to Klinenberg's research—are content. So be happy for the young jerks coupling up and settling down. Learn to take rejection gracefully—the way you want it from the dudes you're turning down—and when you go on a date, start with the specificity of the person sitting across from you, not what you need from him.

He could be your Disney prince, sure. But he could also be your museum buddy or your podcast cohost or your afternoon 69er or something you haven't even thought of yet. I am a year-old gay male. Neither is a good option. Especially at this stage of life, why would you want a relationship that doesn't bring you happiness? I can think of something far worse than being single, gay and older. Being coupled, gay and unhappy. Dave Singleton works for AARP Publications and has written two books and numerous columns on dating and relationships.

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Share with facebook. Share with twitter. Share with linkedin. Share using email. Bette Davis used to say, "Getting older ain't for sissies. Neither is dating at midlife — especially if you're a gay man. Confront your fears You're never too old to find love, but that's not a message gay men hear very often. Embrace your new reality For every something entering the gay dating scene full of wide-eyed wonder, there's a something or a , or older-something man back on the market after a relationship ends.

Pick your meet 'n' greet venues wisely Does walking into a gay bar make you feel more out of place than Lady Gaga shopping for clothes at a mall? Realize you can be single and happy Hey, you don't have to tell me it's tough being gay, single and over Please leave your comment below. Leaving AARP.

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Gay dating in your 50s

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