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Another reads: Other times, the implied violence is more subtle.

The volume and venom of these messages has real-world consequences for these women. They told me they reduced their internet presence afterward — making it harder to share their work and get new work. Some writers told me they shied away from writing about race, relationships, or identity. Some quit altogether. Although the messages come from many users, one particular subgroup on Reddit seems to be the root for most of this harassment. Derogatory and misogynistic language is common: The men harassing Asian women about their interracial relationships may not all know each other, but they are linked by a common ideology: The worst scarcity, they believe, is in the dating pool: The problem is that even legitimate concerns end up entwined with these more extreme views.

However, most speak not about cultural representation and activism, but about what they perceive as a dearth of dating opportunities for Asian men.

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The most toxic posts come from men who argue for racial purity and refer to Asian women as if they are commodities rather than people. I know this all too well myself. They have a valid complaint here: My tweet fed into those stereotypes that Asian men are unsexy, and when people pointed this out, I rethought my own biases.

Growing up, the only Asians I knew were my cousins — so, as I admitted, when I see Asian men, my first instinctive feeling is often kinship rather than sexual attraction. They send a screenshot of that tweet repeatedly at me and anyone who tries to support me, passing the. Jason says he faced it and thought about it quite a bit.

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So he wasn't surprised when he read a blog post from OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder in about race and attraction. Rudder wrote that user data showed that most men on the site rated black women as less attractive than women of other races and ethnicities.

When Asian Women Are Harassed for Marrying Non-Asian Men

Similarly, Asian men fell at the bottom of the preference list for most women. While the data focused on straight users, Jason says he could relate. The OkCupid data resonated so much with year-old Ari Curtis that she used it as the basis of her blog, Least Desirable, about dating as a black woman. Curtis works in marketing in New York City and says that although she loves how open-minded most people in the city are, she didn't always find that quality in dates she started meeting online. After drinks at a Brooklyn bar, one of her more recent OkCupid matches, a white Jewish man, offered this: Curtis describes meeting another white man on Tinder, who brought the weight of damaging racial stereotypes to their date.

Dating as an Asian guy sucks, but here’s how I cracked the code.

Other dating experts have pointed to such stereotypes and lack of multiracial representation in the media as part of the likely reason that plenty of online daters have had discouraging experiences based on their race. Melissa Hobley, OkCupid's chief marketing officer, says the site has learned from social scientists about other reasons that people's dating preferences come off as racist, including the fact that they often reflect IRL — in real life — norms.

And in a segregated society, that can be harder in certain areas than in others. Curtis says she relates to that idea because she has had to come to terms with her own biases. After growing up in the mostly white town of Fort Collins, Colo.

If racism weren't so ingrained in our culture, would they have those preferences? He went on to explain that many of his friends were Asian men who thought Anglo-Australian women just weren't interested in dating them.

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His website was his way of showing this wasn't true. After a fittingly awkward goodbye, I never saw that man or, concerningly, his website again, but the unusual encounter stayed with me. It was the first time someone had given voice to an insecurity I held but had never felt comfortable communicating. My first relationship was with a Western girl when I was growing up in Perth, and I never felt like my race was a factor in how it started or ended.

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I was generally drawn to Western girls because I felt we shared the same values. At the time, I rarely felt that assumptions were made about me based on my ethnicity, but things changed when I moved to Melbourne for university. In a new city, stripped of the context of my hometown, I felt judged for the first time, like I was subtly but surely boxed into an "Asian" category.

Can Asian Guys Attract White Girls?

So, I consciously tried to be a boy from WA, to avoid being mistaken for an international student. Since then, my experience as a person of colour in Australia has been defined the question: It's a never-ending internal dialogue that adds complexity and confusion to aspects of life that are already turbulent — and dating is where it hit me the hardest.

I'm in a relationship now, and my partner is white. Talking to her about the anxieties I experienced around dating, it's easy to feel like my concerns were caused by internalised racism and problematic stereotypes that I projected onto the world around me.

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