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Just think… no more endless emails, no more non-responses. You can get matched with real people and connect. Everyone needs love in their life. It's a basic need. It's third in Maslow's hierarchy of needs: Trying to convince yourself that you're fine without love is futile. For some, the journey to find love is easier than for others. If you've struggled up to this point to find the right partner, it's OK. There is hope moving forward. There is help. Looking for love in the gay community presents its own set of challenges. Maybe you're not finding the high caliber single men or women you desire.

Maybe you haven't had success with the gay mixers and events, gay online dating sites, gay singles and dating services, gay bars, or any of the services that claim to cater to the gay community. Or maybe you don't even want to try those options. Charles, a year-old White man and New Haven resident, originally from the South, described the comparative safety and convenience of online dating: These technologies also seemed to be particularly useful to discreet men who expressed concerns about being outed in a small city where there was limited anonymity.

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Still, the lack of face-to-face contact in virtual environments led some men to have concerns about the true identity of the individuals with whom they interacted in these settings. As a result of these anonymity concerns, some men were cautious about meeting virtual connections in person. While technology use could not entirely mitigate concerns about being outed, it still provided both out and discreet participants with the opportunity to connect with other men and socialize in the safety of a virtual setting where their identity could be managed.

While many men appreciated technology for its ability to connect them to other men and create virtual communities, quite a few spoke about the loss of physical gay spaces and community visibility in their small cities as a result of increasing technology use. The technology-induced decline may be particularly relevant to small cities where the number of physical gay spaces is already limited and potentially more fragile than larger gay enclaves.

Indeed, several men spoke to the tenuous nature of gay spaces in small cities, noting the closing of gay bars and bookstores, and the discontinuation of gay events. Well, I think too the Internet has played a big role. In addition to describing the closure of gay spaces, many men reported that the remaining venues were sparsely frequented, contributing to less community cohesion. Michael, a White year-old, who lived outside of Hartford for 25 years, explained,.


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When I first moved here of course there was a very visible gay community because the only way that you could be in the community was to go to the bars. You can hook up with people online. So when I have been into the bars. It used to be packed. Now you can walk in on Friday night and it might be half the size of a crowd.

Like Michael, many men attributed the decline of gay spaces and cohesion to the fact that men no longer need to connect in person given online alternatives. The declining significance of meeting men at bars was most often cited by older men, like Ronald, a year-old Black man and long-time resident of New Haven, who noted,.

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But now with all the social networks on the computers, people are meeting more that way than they are in a gay bar. Marvin, a year-old Black man, and another long-time New Haven resident, described the changing visibility and cohesion of the gay community as most evident among younger gay men in small cities. The younger people do not socialize anymore because of the Internet. I mean they come out to the bar on Friday and Saturday to get drunk and all that stuff and hang out with their friends, but, otherwise, they are home on the Internet.

We used to have once-a-month get-togethers where it was potluck. While primarily noted by older men, even some of the younger men were nostalgic for the once vibrant gay nightlife in New Haven. For example, Herbert, a year-old Latino man, who grew up in a small city near New Haven, noted,. The crowd was amazing. Good energy vibe. People were really alive.

Kind of like if you go back to Studio People there were just wearing their makeup. Wearing clothes like Lady Gaga. Doing their thing. It was that moment. It was alive. Gotham back then was the same way. You move on. Men also highlighted the importance of the social support provided by community members in brick-and-mortar gay spaces. Here, Ronald described his preference for meeting men in gay bars rather than the Internet where gay mentors e.

He was the bartender in New Haven, and [he] raised everybody. The importance of physical gay spaces took on added significance in the context of sexual minority stigma. Carlos, a year-old, openly gay man, and Steven, a year-old, bisexual man who is not out, both described the challenges of having to navigate settings where gay and straight people mix. You have gay people, straight people, all the other bars are closed, so they have the one after, say like Gotham. It makes it harder. So it just seems like to put it in one place makes it easier because it makes you being there more comfortable I should say.

Men also noted the importance of the visibility of gay life in small cities in terms of helping them locate safe spaces to socialize, free from homophobia. For example, Desmond, a year-old resident of New Haven, described how macro-level exposure to issues, such as gay marriage, had conditioned the heterosexual community to be more accepting of a visible gay community, noting,.

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The neighborhood knows about [a public gathering space for gay men], but they are not really loud and vicious, you know? Because people are really more open minded now. This study examined the role of technology in the lives of gay and bisexual men in two small cities in Connecticut. Consistent with previous studies conducted across diverse geographies Grov et al.

Virtual technologies offered men safe and affirming spaces for forming and expanding connections and navigating challenges in two small cities where men reported having access to few gay-specific physical spaces, widespread sexual minority stigma, and challenges obtaining anonymity in a community where men tended to know one another. However, technology was not always viewed favorably as some participants described its increased use to meet sexual partners as occurring at the expense of social cohesion, physical gay spaces, and community visibility.

These findings also emphasize the importance of understanding the local contexts that may ultimately shape technology use and the behavior and health of gay and bisexual men in small cities such as Hartford and New Haven. Consistent with prior research among men in larger cities e. However, unlike research conducted in large cities, some participants found the virtual technologies to be limiting as these platforms highlighted the small size of the gay community in their city by consistently featuring the same people. To overcome these local challenges, men reported using apps to identify transient partners who were passing through their small cities or while traveling.

Prior research has described the gay community as being composed of subcommunities often defined by demographics e. Men also feared the mental and physical health consequences of stigma from outside the gay community, leading several men to conceal their sexual orientation as a form of stigma management Knight et al.

In fact, 6 out of the 29 men in the current sample were not out about their sexual orientation. Consistent with research conducted with sexual minorities from nonurban areas Gray, ; Knight et al. For some discreet participants, virtual communities provided the necessary anonymity to safely disclose their identity and build trust before meeting men face-to-face. Participants also noted that the rise of social—sexual networking technologies had influenced the availability of physical gay spaces in small cities. Another qualitative study highlighted the changing nature of gay neighborhoods in Chicago, with some participants noting that gay bars are less frequented since the rise of the Internet Ghaziani, This article extends prior research by highlighting the seemingly rapid destabilization of gay life in two small U.


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Given that small cities have fewer brick-and-mortar gay spaces and numerically smaller gay communities than gay enclaves, technology may have a unique impact on gay life in small cities. Specifically, gay spaces and communities in small cities may be less able to sustain themselves in the face of new technologies and, thus, may be subject to a more rapid decline than gay communities in large cities. Future research is needed to examine the potential causal role of social and sexual networking technologies in the decline of gay community spaces and visibility across diverse U.

Finally, the men in this study noted that with the closing of gay bars and the rise of the Internet came a decline in gay community cohesion and access to gay mentors e. Thus, it is possible that the increased integration of gay and bisexual men into heterosexual spaces e.

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