My First (and Last) Time Dating a Rice Queen

It's why I lived in Japan, why I studied Japanese.

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I tried to imagine it. Having an erotic imagination so focused on one race of people. All that my ex-boyfriends had in common was me. Questions I didn't ask ran through my head. Were you even gay if this is what your sexuality was? What was your sexuality if it was based on race and not gender preference? Especially if you were white? He vanished after that conversation. We never spoke again. In retrospect, I think he was letting himself out of the relationship by saying these things. Either way, I think we both knew, after my question and his answer, that there was nothing further for us.

I left him some phone messages, none of which he returned. I don't know if he worked things out with his Japanese ex-boyfriend or what; I recall checking on him at that university and seeing at some point he had been given tenure.

Queer Dating in Japan: Dos and Don’ts

Now when I look for him, there's no sign of him. It's hard for me to say what it meant to me, the time you spent looking over my family books. I'm writing to my grandfather this afternoon and will write the character on the envelope, and even pray for a little of my grandmother's calligraphy talent. Thank you for the primer on my family; until now, everything I knew about them came from their mouths. As I face making a new relationship with them, which is what the last year has meant, this was a real help, a wonderful surprise.

It's still the weirdest gift of that time, that he told me about me in a way no one else was able to tell me then. I at least have the sense to be grateful for that. Grateful, even, that he drove me away. D uring their m eeting in the student building, a Japanese man with an awesome haircut passed by.

The whole study group started talking about how she could meet that guy , completely forgetting about studying Japanese. They came up with a plan to help her: Their mission seemed to work well. They successfully invited the guy to join their gro up and he seemed to get alon g with them.

However, there was one problem: Kala was shocked when she learnt the news. She was at an international party, and s aw the guy with his girlfriend.

She decided to get to know him better, and hoped that eventually things would work out. After a while , Kala threw a T hanksgiving party at her place. S he obviously invited him. In fact, the T hanksgiving party was more or less an excuse to see him. She made a special map just for him , show ing the way to her house. He brought sweet potato balls to the party. Feeling bad, s he started eating them herself.

Thank you for bringing the m! Sometime after the T hanksgiving party , Kala finally decided t o ask him about his girlfriend. Shortly after, they started dating. That was more than 10 years ago. Kala is married now. Her husband is the very guy she met in Kagoshima. They have been happily married for 9 years.

All this was possible because Kala approached him actively. W omen who can approach men seem to do quite well in Japan. I have the impression that many Asian men believe that no n-Asian women are not into them, so they need a little bit of encouragement sometimes.

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But Japanese men may approach you directly. But Takuya was neither fashionable nor handsome. As for Takuya , his reaction was quite the opposite: Takuya asked her on a date , but Annie instantly said no. For her, going out with Takuya was out of the question. Beside s , Annie had been approached by many handsome Japanese guys in bars and clubs, although none of her dating experience was positive.

My First (and Last) Time Dating a Rice Queen

The guys from the clubs only seemed interested in sleeping with her. He asked her out again and again. Sometime s , when she was watching TV in the lounge , he would deliberately do push-ups around her to get her attention. One day, he and Annie found themselves alone. H e told her that he loved h er. Th is made Annie think that , perhaps, she might have been too harsh on him. After all, he seemed a genuinely good guy. Annie decide d to give him a chance. They went on a date to a planetarium in Shibuya. That same night, s he went to see him again and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

That was her answer. Takuya gave her a very passionate hug. But a few months later, Annie had to go back to Sweden because her visa was going to expir e. So he worked hard with his part-time job, saved money and followed her to Sweden. They got married so that they could stay together , with the full support of their parents.

Japanese men have a reputation for being shy, b ut some of them are like Takuya , who pursue d the woman in his life passionately. And Japanese men confess their love. Natasha, a Russian woman , remembers her first Japanese boyfriend. She met him through mutual friends and , shortly after, they went on their first date. The guy was confused. In his mind, what he had just d one was the confession of love, or kokuhaku. It was a Japanese way of asking her to be his girlfriend. That must have been quite awkward for him. Lily, a white American woman, is very familiar with the confession of love.

Countless Japanese men have confessed their love to her. She i s so used to it that she c an always sense it when a guy is about to confess. Masaki and Tatsuya , who I discussed earlier, also confessed their love.

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In my opinion, the confession of love is one of the most interesting characteristics of dating in Japan. Communication and space are really important from the get-go if you are looking for a more serious relationship. This was advice he got from a friend, and I found it to be a charming bonding experience.

10 Things I Learnt about Dating Japanese Men | Texan in Tokyo

Obviously, agreeing on this point already meant that we were more serious, and expressing that seriousness early on is always a good thing. Language barriers are also a two-way street, especially in the beginning. Remember that if you are expecting your Japanese partner to carry the weight of communicating in a foreign language, you will need to be extra patient if they happen to say something bluntly, or fail to communicate at all.

Always give them the benefit of the doubt and help them express themselves. Also, make an effort to learn as much Japanese as possible so that you both can have equal footing if you need to express something in your mother tongue. The closet has been the biggest source of tension between my Japanese partner and me. While I come from the perspective that living with secrets is unbearable and you should only choose to have people in your life who accept you wholly and unconditionally, my partner is perfectly happy to keep secrets from his coworkers and family.

Like many of his friends, my boyfriend is understandably afraid that being out would jeopardize his relationship with his parents or damage his career, both of which are very important to him.

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While it may be difficult, you will need to consider in advance whether you are ready to join your partner in the closet from time to time. That said, I wholly recommend meeting the family if you are invited, even if it is only as a friend.

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Queer Dating in Japan: Dos and Don’ts

10 Things I Learnt about Dating Japanese Men | Texan in Tokyo

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