New Gay in Town: North vs South Dating

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I still met tons of guys and went on many dates. In Atlanta, it seems difficult to get a date. Granted, I did need time to heal from my past relationship, but I used to go on dates a week in Boston. Atlanta does have more attractive and appealing men than Philadelphia, but Boston still remains my favorite hunting ground.

Then when a guy does seem interested in a date, he always wants to talk on the phone first. The point of a first date is to talk, face to face. Get to know each other, interact, see what each other really looks like, observe mannerisms. If we waste all your first date convo on the phone, then are we just going to repeat it all on the date?

New Gay in Town: North vs South Dating

Talking on the phone is a waste of time to me, and very immature. Needing to talk on the phone before meeting is extremely juvenile to me, and a huge turn-off. Speaking of liars, the amount guys lie in Atlanta is astounding. So I avoided it, too. Who wants to sit across from someone who looks like he'd be more at ease in a dentist's chair with the sound of drilling ringing in his ears?

We went out together at night exactly twice. The first time, I was already at the pub, and I texted him to come and meet me. When he showed up, he was with his friend Jess, who, aside from the people he was out with the first night I laid eyes on him, was the only person in his life I would meet during our two years and four months of on and off and on again and off again. He met even fewer people in mine. Jess knew Shane was gay, but all it took was one sentence uttered by her while Shane was in the restroom -- "He has a lot of stuff to work through before he can be with anyone" -- to tell me she had no idea he and I were a couple.

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I wondered if he'd brought her along because he didn't want to give anyone else that impression either. I felt like his dirty little secret and went home early because I needed a long shower to clean off the filth. He'd made but one request before departing: Cuando me ves en la calle, por favor, no me saludes. In other words, if you see me walkin' down the street, walk on by. I don't believe in outing, and I don't think every gay person has to wear a rainbow banner or shout "I'm gay!

How To Find Love In Online Gay Dating | The Soulmates Blog

It's the hiding and the lying that I object to, particularly in the absence of the threat of physical harm for being gay. To this day, I regret being that engaged man's accomplice in deceit. Those who've already come out have usually spent enough time cowering in the closet. Dating someone who's still in there can be like slipping back into that darkness. I'm not the type of person to flaunt a romance or change my relationship status on Facebook. When it goes from complicated to over, it's too much like having a public break-up.

I'll leave that to celebrities. Although Shane and I communicated by email and IM on Facebook all the time, our connection there was, like him, in the closet.

It must be nice to have a boyfriend who occasionally comments on your status updates or at the very least "likes" them, but I wouldn't know what it's like to be "liked" publicly by someone who claims to love me privately. What didn't happen on Facebook was the least of our problems, though. Relationships are more about what happens when you're face-to-face -- or they should be. No man is an island unto himself, and no couple should be either. Isn't part of the point of having a boyfriend having someone with whom you can share romantic dinners out, a travel partner, someone to kiss in the rain if the mood strikes you both?

Not that I'm the king of PDA. I've never even been much of a hand holder.

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Walking around with one arm intertwined with someone else's, male or female, has always seemed so unnatural to me. I am, however, a big hugger, and at the end of our third and final public meal -- as usual, lunch -- after Shane and I broke up the first time, he held out a hand as we were saying goodbye. I ignored it and embraced him instead. Follow Francesco Cerniglia on Twitter: We use cookies to improve your experience on our site and to show you relevant advertising. To find out more, read our updated privacy policy. Skip to content The Soulmates Blog.

Deal Breaker No. 1: Why I'll Never Again Date a Guy Who's in the Closet

Author Francesco Cerniglia. The key is connecting with people who share the same outlook and are upfront about it.