Finding out your boyfriend is gay

But if your boyfriend actively hates gay men even if they have never done anything to him and never speak to him, then this is extremely telling. You've probably heard loads of stories about anti-gay preachers who were later discovered to be trolling gay hookup sites. Many times, a man who hates the fact that he likes other men will take it out on gay people and treat them badly.

At the very least, it's not unusual for a guy who is denying his sexuality to fear coming into contact with people who are living with their gayness freely. Homophobia is one of the biggest signs that your boyfriend or husband might be questioning his sexuality. Maybe he's not homophobic, but do his ears perk up when you mention that one of your friends is gay? Does he ask a lot of questions about them? Does he seem interested in how they came out to their parents, or what other people's reactions were?

Similarly, does he bring up people's sexuality a lot? Does he talk about how this or that person at his job turned out to be gay? Does he mention gay family members of his a lot? He may be interested because he himself is gay or bisexual, but may not know it yet, or simply doesn't know how to express it.

Of course, if he only talks about these things occasionally, he could just be a curious guy. Human beings like to gossip about the sexuality of others. This could mean several things.

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For one, your boyfriend could be asexual or he might just not be attracted to you anymore for a variety of reasons. People change and so do their tastes. Just because he's ignoring you temporarily or distracted with other things, doesn't necessarily mean he's uninterested you, either. However, if he never really seemed that into touching you, even in the beginning of your relationship when you're supposed to be in a honeymoon period, then something is probably wrong. This sign by itself doesn't mean he's gay, but coupled with some of the other signs, it can be telling.

Also keep in mind that an absence of this sign doesn't always mean he's not into men, either. In other words, he could be mostly gay, but enjoy sex with women to some extent—or he could be bisexual but more on that later. Sex in the relationship might have died down for many other factors as well — including other relationship problems, work schedules, boredom, and so on.

Let's say you take a look at his Facebook profile and notice that there's lots of different men on there. You also notice that a lot of them seem gay. Maybe you notice that a lot of them aren't mutual friends with you, and in fact you had no idea that he knew these people. Even worse, if you discover that he has more than one account and has been hiding one from you, this is a definite sign that there's something he isn't telling you. If you notice that his second account has a friends list filled with dozens of strange men, then this is extremely suspicious and you should consider confronting him on this alone.

Finally--and worst of all--if you find out that he has a profile on a gay dating site, then this is a glaring, giant, neon sign. Obviously, this one seals the deal. No man joins a gay dating app or site "just for laughs. The paranoia will drive you crazy. The fact that it is with a man is secondary. He has breached your trust. You might feel differently, of course.

The sooner you just talk to your boyfriend about it, the better. This will help establish the difference between reality and the stories that your mind might have concocted.

What Is Sexual Orientation? (i.e. What Does It Mean to Be Gay?)

Even that person himself may not know. There is still a huge stigma against being gay. He might not have the courage to come out or he may even be in denial. Your boyfriend could also be bisexual. Many people dismiss this notion and just assume that any man who likes other men must be gay, but that's simply not true. There are plenty of men who are bisexual. They are just less willing to admit it than women are—for obvious reasons. If the fact that he's bi doesn't bother you and he isn't cheating , then there's probably no reason to confront him about it unless you're willing to embarrass him.

We all have our random sexual preferences, and you're probably dreaming if you think that those preferences begin and end with you. His being attracted to both men and women is no different than if he was into blondes as well as redheads. As long as he stays true to you, what does it matter? Approach him in a non-judgmental way , and you're much more likely to get the truth out of him. There are many reasons he might have not told you.

Straight Spouses: What to Do (And What Not To) If Your Spouse Is Gay

You might be angry, but try to remember that this is someone you care about. Of course if you bring it up and he completely denies it, but you continue to see glaring signs, it might be time to rethink the relationship. Reams, Richard H, Ph.

Accessed September 2, Brody, Liz. Barrie, Zara. Elite Daily. Franke-Ruta, Garance. The Atlantic. Psychology Today. If you suspect that your boyfriend is secretly gay, or have recently discovered that he is, leave a comment below with your story. Maybe it could help someone else. It depends. Talking with gay guys doesn't make you necessarily gay. Are they just his friends? Is he getting naked? Too many unknowns here. My husband watches gay porn instead of having sex with me on a regular basis.

I am heartbroken.

What to Do (And What Not To) If Your Spouse Is Gay

What do I do? There's nothing you can really do if someone is gay. While not everyone who watches gay porn is gay or even bi , if that's ALL he watches, and he prefers to watch that instead of having sex with you, it's quite telling. He could also be addicted to porn; some hardcore addicts watch videos that don't match their actual orientation simply because it can be more taboo and stimulating. If you suspect he is addicted, see about getting him professional help. Of course, he could also be gay. Okay now, this is an interesting question, because the answer in some circumstances could actually be that no, he might not be gay.

Some people VERY few people have a fetish where they are humiliated by being "made" to do gay things, but they're not actually attracted to the same sex at all. The only reason they like doing it is that it embarrasses them because they are precisely NOT gay , and they find the embarrassment arousing.

In this case, the fact that he's not gay is exactly why he would like having gay sex. He could also just simply be gay. That's a more likely possibility since this fetish is uncommon. My boyfriend has a secret fishing buddy that he only hangs out with when I'm away. He told me he was a "bear" but didn't think I would Google it. He also told me his buddy is a "power bottom. What should I do?