How can gay teens connect

I want us to start doing things together more often. It could be as simple as eating meals together a few times a week. Or prepare a meal together, run an errand together, go shopping together — you get the idea. Be more open about your own sins and struggles. Teens are much more likely to share with others who are open and honest than with those who present themselves as perfect. So share some of your struggles. God's talking to me about not being that way. If you hear me say something unkind about others, would you let me know? After your teens pick their jaws up off the floor, they will start noticing that you are working at being open and honest.

Information for GLBT Youth on Finding Like-Minded Teens

I'm not saying to tell your teens all the details of any sin you've been involved in, but let them know generally that you've struggled — and be sure to tell them how those sins negatively affected you. Bless your children — often. Underneath it all, homosexual attractions aren't necessarily about sex. For boys, they often have more to do with self-image and envy, especially as it relates to masculinity. Be proactive about affirming the good you see in your son's masculinity — before you even broach the topic.

And rather than addressing homosexuality directly, you might start with discussing masculinity. You might ask, "How does the world define masculinity?

LGBT Youth Resources

What does it really mean to be a man? What does God see as healthy manhood? For girls, they often long for connection with others, or for a healthy, internalized sense of femininity. Let your daughter know the good you see in her and in her femininity. You can also have discussions about being a woman: Does being a woman mean being a doormat?

Being seductive? Being weak? How does God view womanhood? How do you struggle in this area? Get the conversation started: This is where a few wise people in your network will pray with you and give you good counsel. But there's no one-size-fits-all script for how to bring up the topic or specifically when to approach your child. Every situation is different.

If you found gay pornography on your teen's phone or computer, for example, a more direct approach might be called for. But do so in love, without anger and accusation. If your teen is having a hard time building healthy relationships with same-sex peers or doesn't fit society's norms for masculinity or femininity, those might be the issues to bring up.

You might want to broach the issue more obliquely, by asking your teen, "I've been reading and hearing about issues teens struggle with. Do you know if any of your friends struggle with these? If your teenager's closest friends are sexually confused, if your teen is isolating herself or is rebellious, or if you discover she is struggling with same-sex attractions, you may want to consider family help from a pastor or counselor.

A step like this will take guidance and prayer. Also make sure you confirm that the counselor's or pastor's views on homosexuality align with Scripture.

Share your voice

Assure your child of your unconditional love. One of the deepest questions in the human heart is this: If you know the worst about me, will you still love me? Affirm your child in your unconditional love for him. Let him know you care — whatever he struggles with. There is deep healing in receiving love and affirmation from you.

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• LGBTQ Youth Resources | Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Health | CDC;

Jeff Johnston is an issues analyst for Focus on the Family. Joe Dallas offers practical counsel on how to deal with the many conflicts and emotions family members will experience when learning of a loved one's homosexuality. Series About: Ages You Might Also Like: When Homosexuality Hits Home Joe Dallas Joe Dallas offers practical counsel on how to deal with the many conflicts and emotions family members will experience when learning of a loved one's homosexuality.

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