Dating a 40 year old man who has never been married gay

Double standard much? I really like what you had to say on here Selena. My parents met at college, married, and stayed married for 44 years until my dad passed away. My mom never remarried. I was ready to get married once, and had my world turned upside-down when that relationship suddenly ended to my surprise. I felt that I could no longer trust myself and my own judgement or be emotionally available again, after feeling like a total fool. I have friends and family who have been married and divorced, some multiple times.

I helped one friend through a failed marriage, basically on suicide watch for weeks.

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I said when I was younger that I would only marry once. I am now 45, even though most folks are kind enough to say that I look much younger which I partly attribute that to not being married or the stress of having kids. I am also very much a loner, and really only recently started to think about having a life partner. Your post at least lets me know that someone out there might also think there is still a chance for me to find love, even if I come with Red Flags!

Thank you!!! I think you hit the nail on the head with the main concerns Evan. For example, if he claims to just not have met the right girl yet, is he doing things to meet more people that may be a match for him, etc. Understanding a situation and taking steps to correct it are key. My main advice to the letter writer would be to meet this guy as soon as possible.

Meet and see if you even have the potential for a relationship in the first place. My take is that the farther the distance, the more difficult. I also doubt that a guy who is having lengthy phone conversations with you over a period of weeks is a player. Has he ever lived with anyone?

Been in a long-term relationship? Rules are great as guidelines, but let your own experience, knowledge, and gut feeling, be your guide. If they were really so committed, would the divorce rate be as high as it is? Being 42 and single, and having never married is not a red flag; at least not for me.

Potential red flags come up after I know their history, as there can be reasonable and understandable explanations for their current status. I do not believe he is a player either, based on your experiences thus far. I think the biggest issue is the LTR situation. I hear from loads of men who live in different states from me, yet I will not engage them in anything long distance. And honestly, I am always a little perplexed by the guys who continue to state that distance is not a problem for them, unless they are a traveler likely looking for an out-of-town fling.

They could even be married. But this is not about me. If you feel that strong of a chemistry and connection with him, then try to meet as quickly as you can vs.

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I advice people who have never been married to stay away from divorcees. In fact, some Jew said a really long time ago that it is adultery to marry a divorced person, or for a divorced person to remarry. I would rather marry someone who is 21 and had never been married, even though I would not have much in common with her, than I would marry a divorcee of any age.

Great advice.

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I think if a 42 year old man I was interesting in told me he had never been married, I would be listening with a raised brow. One thing I have learned the hard way is to really, really listen to what he tells you, no matter how significant it may seem, including jokes, stories of other people, you name it, because there are clues there, big ones. If you let someone talk long enough, they will tell you everything you need to know.

If I were single I would be leery of them if I wanted marriage or something long lasting. Well, this is a topic I can relate to. First of all…Steve, guy you definitely spoke words of wisdom and truth,standing O.

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Searchingwithin, you also shed some great light on this as well. If you are a believer maybe you should refer to Him with His name. Some people may or may not believe as you or I do. With respect…. When we marry things do change…some for the better some for the worse. We learn, I know I have, alot about being married.

So, with that being said listening to the above comments and Evan…my viewpoint has changed. No one knows the actual events that led up to both of my divorces. There you have it…. Like Searchingwithin said, after many conversations…. Lots of stories out there…many different stories with nothing cookie cutter about them.

Investigage everything! My thought process was there for my own protection…. Trying to find the safest best bet I can. Can I really? No pain, no gain as the bodybuilders like to say…feel the fear and do it anyway…. Hang in there Kate, just be aware of the red flags…. Sometimes it was just a gut feeling, but it was a warning nonetheless. Major Red Flags, imho. This time last year I ended it with a 43 year old never married man, found out he was a passive-aggressive player, by listening to what he said about the women in his past.

Lesson learned. Now dating a man who has been previously married and had several long-term relationships…. If I were single I think If. I were single I would probably pass.

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Let some other gal take that challenge. Women who think that way are doing the guys a favor as they apparently have little respect for marriage and see it more as a rite of passage than what it should be — a one-time, life-long commitment. Typical American Female. No matter what a guy does, he will never be good enough in any American womans eyes. I like the biggest key word of your post…. Now dating a man….. Yeah, women here in America want a guy who is broken in and beaten down and battered up so he will bow to her every beck and call.

You pretty much some it up that your also a player and as funny as it seems, still NOT married. In closing here is the facts of American women: You women all complain about the guy being a player, then you complain if the guy has baggage, then you complain if the guy is over 40 and never married, then you complain if the guy wants to go out with friends for a few hours, then you complain if a guy is still a virgin in his adulthood because he wanted to wait for the right time, then you complain if a guy sleeps around with every woman under the sun.

Moral of the story is this, you will never be happy with anything we do as men.

Breaking it down as you did was great. He is talking for 5 hours at a time which is positive but you should honestly look out for yourself. To searchingwithin That is a very good point about listening. I have noticed that being a truly good listener takes skill, patience and tolerance. Most of us just want to be heard. Most of them had been highly focused on their career.

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I think a red flag for me would be when they have had no long-term relationship experience. Being single and independent for so long can make you pretty self-serving and set in your ways. Another consideration is what the writer is looking for. Is she hoping for marriage someday, etc.?

WithLove 15 is right, too, about making assumptions. One never knows why someone divorced or did anything in their life until they know their story. It is very possible to exit a divorce as a much more knowledgeable, evolved, and finely-tuned human being. Adversity only makes you stronger and wiser. I think about not having any long term relationships is pretty telling. I meant to say risk averse. In other words they worry alot about what could go wrong or who they might miss out on. Its funny too because wether they are successful they act like they are such a catch and are kinda arrogant.

One of my friends was dating one and over time he began to really boast that he could have almost any woman he wanted and the guy was so not cute! Why do you have to get married. Cause you say so, no. Did Jesus get married or John the Baptist, they had their mission without marriage.

Do you call them gay and other biblical persons, no.