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He told me he was 19, but when he arrived at mine he looked about He sort of pushed his way into my house and forced me to do some sexual things that I didn't want to do. I was just in shock, but I got the feeling that it would be better to cooperate than risk things getting worse if I resisted. Afterwards, I found out that this guy had approached me several times before and had probably planned the whole thing for a while.

When was your first time on a dating site? I was 15 and still in the closet. I knew that I was attracted to men, but at that time I just wanted to discover and learn more about my sexuality and experiment with it. I ended up on websites like Bullchat and GayRomeo, where I mainly chatted to older guys. Didn't you know people your age to date? No, I didn't know anyone who was out.

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But then at the same time I also hadn't told people that I was gay. I was afraid that it would get back to my parents and everyone in our Moroccan community would find out. That's why I had to date in secret. Where were you going on these dates? The guys I was meeting were a lot older, so they would invite me over to their houses. When I think back on it now, I sometimes feel so abused. A year-old knows that dating a year-old is wrong. In my opinion, apps and sites like GayRomeo, Bullchat and Grindr are not the right way for gay teenagers to learn about the gay scene.

What I was doing was really dangerous, but at the time it didn't feel like I had any other options.

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I couldn't go to a bar to flirt like my straight friends did, because I was afraid that someone would see me in a gay bar and tell everyone. I was taking these risks just to get some kind of a connection with the gay scene.


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Did you ever tell anyone where you were? No, and now I realise how dangerous that was. I was deliberately going on dates in neighbourhoods where nobody knew me. It felt like I was living a double life and I never spoke about what I was experiencing with friends or family members, which made me feel really lonely.

And then to suppress that feeling of loneliness, I would just meet up with another guy.

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But once I came out of the closet, I was able to get in touch with guys my own age. When I was 17 years old. But even though I was a bit scared, I created an online profile using my real name and photo because I figured that anyone who found me there had to be gay as well. Did you enjoy straight sex? So when did Lee start thinking of himself as being gay? I was watching a TV debate about gays.


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  • My friends introduced him. One day, we were in his bedroom playing on his computer and we started messing around. It ended up with sex.

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    Around this time, Lee first came out to his mom. Her first reaction was that I was a bit too young to be gay. She told me to leave it a couple of years. I left it a few weeks, before telling her again.

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    She realised I was serious, and respected my feelings and wishes. At the age of 11, Lee had a relationship with a 14 year old named Andrew.


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    • They sent me to an education centre. We used to hang around together and became really close friends. After a while he told me that he was on the rent scene. I asked him if he wanted a boyfriend and he said yeah. So we started going out with each other. That was when I first had anal sex and learned about condoms.

      I shagged him and he shagged me. It bought tears to my eyes. It was painful, but I liked it as well. I enjoyed it more than sex with a girl. For about 18 months, Lee joined Andrew doing sex for money, picking up men in the local gardens and bus station. I stopped about a year and half ago. When I was doing it, I felt sick.

      I was only doing it for the money to buy drugs — mostly speed, acid and cannabis. I also had a few bad experiences with punters. Lee is clearly very angry that no one took action to stop the bullying: He was okay.

      Robin, 19, Utrecht

      There was no pressure for me to have sex, but I did. What do you think of that man now? And what do you think about paedophiles in general? The paedophiles I knew always asked me if I wanted sex. How can a young child understand sex and give meaningful consent? Lee admits: But I was 12 when I first had sex with an adult man. I knew what was happening. The other boys I know who had sex with men were in their early teens. Perhaps your friends were particularly mature for their age. Most young people are not so sophisticated about sex.

      No one should be having sex with a child who is very young or who has emotional and mental problems. Many people worry that the power imbalance in a relationship between a youth and an adult means the younger person can be easily manipulated and exploited. At what age do you think people should to be allowed, by law, to have sex? Do you worry about being arrested for under-age sex? Any tips? Thanks, Nick, for reading the post and commenting.

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