Problems dating a gay man who used to be straight

My well-meaning friends invariably get into set-up mode: The problem is people relate on a superficial level at work. You know your gay colleague is lonely; he just doesn't tell you that he is lonely because he has seasonal affective disorder, or a Madame Alexander doll collection. So, why do my otherwise thorough friends not ask more thorough background questions? Because, by heterosexual logic, just being gay is enough.

See Magnum P. Where does this ungrateful bastard get off? This affects my dating life because the person I date may or may not understand my gay-culture separatism, and may or may not be a part of that culture themselves. If you own a television or surf online, you know the culture I speak of. I reject the far-side of that rope.

The gay culture I renounce is fueled by commercialism. For example, the other day, I walked past a store in Hell's Kitchen that had a huge awning that read in big lettering: I understand people are just doing what works, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a little advertising. But that particular TV show troubles me. Even more problematic, the show is organized around the fact that a person's sexuality dictates their ability to be fashionable. I don't buy into this, literally or figuratively. It's not that I don't love fashion and style. I just want to love it on my own terms.

10 Reasons Why Gay Dating Is Really Hard | HuffPost

And I need to know that my friend's OGF is a similar Gay Separatist, otherwise the date might as well be between a bulldozer and someone chained to the blade. No matter the theme, the result is the same: But don't take my word for it. A circuit party gives us the chance to escape the pressures of our day-to-day existence and to enter the altered world where friendship, dancing, love, spirituality, and self-expression are celebrated. It continues: Note the vagueness of that description. It uses fittingly empty words for a scene that is similarly devoid of substance. A room full of gay men isn't somewhere I'd be even if they're all different.

A room full of clones is downright unbearable. For further evidence of how self-limiting gay culture can be, click-through the ancillary links of CircuitNoize. You find that self-expression is fine, but only within a strict code of physical and psychological parameters.

Why Have Massive Age Differences Long Been Common in Gay Dating?

But it's not just niche publications like Circuit Noize that perpetuate this image. The national gay magazine Out , which is much more mainstream in its look and newsstand placement, has a stereotypical website too Out.

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The top offering is on love handles. Isolated from peers and family who may not understand their sexuality, gay teens sometimes gravitate toward older men who have traveled the road before them and who could end up exploiting the vulnerability of their situation. Not only do you face stereotypes about why you should have been able to fight it off, or how you probably loved it, but you also have to deal with how your own trauma connects to noxious gay-specific myths, like the one about a gay pro-pedophile organization called NAMBLA or North American Man Boy Love Association infiltrating everything from Disney programming to Antifa.

But the myth of gay men as predators persists. Case in point: In certain parts of the world, May-December romances among gay men are treated differently than straight ones by the courts. While the legal age of consent ranges from 16 to 18 across the U.

In Chile, for example, the age of consent is 14 for heterosexuals and 18 for gays. And it took until the turn of the century for the U.

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The porn industry, meanwhile, has made the age differences of their stars a central taboo. Dan Savage, the iconic gay sex columnist, has taken a practical view: That said, many gay men contine to view intergenerational romances with judgement and suspicion. And a year-old chef approaches younger dates with trepidation. Gay men I reached out to expressed similarly conflicted feelings about exploring their own daddy fetishes. Others came to embrace their age preferences later in life. An advertising executive in his early 30s tells me that he was initially creeped out by attention from older guys, but realized his own ageism while studying abroad in South America.

I realized, Oh, this is only as weird as you make it.