Surviving Christmas as a Single Gay Man

I am so lonely, and the painful emptiness I feel is becoming absolutely unbearable. In my early 20s, I hooked up off and on, but it never developed into anything. I have always told myself that's OK; I'm not a people person or a relationship kind of guy. I have a few lesbian friends but no male friends. I have social anxiety and can't go to bars or clubs. When hookup apps were introduced, I used them infrequently. Now I go totally unnoticed or am quickly ghosted once I reveal my age.

Most nonwork days, my only interactions are with people in the service industry. I am well groomed, employed, a homeowner, and always nice to people. I go to a therapist and take antidepressants. However, this painful loneliness, depression, aging, and feeling unnoticed seem to be getting the best of me. I cry often and would really like it all to end.

Any advice?

Gay, middle-aged, and lonely as hell

Hobbes is a reporter for HuffPost and recently wrote a mini-book-length piece titled "Together Alone: The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness. Loneliness, Hobbes explained to me, is an evolutionary adaptation, a mechanism that prompts us humans—members of a highly social species—to seek contact and connection with others, the kind of connections that improve our odds of survival.

You don't have very many social contacts. Being lonely, on the other hand, is subjective: You feel alone, even when you're with other people. This is why advice like 'Join a club! The most effective way to address loneliness, according to Hobbes's research, is to confront it directly. This doesn't mean that his perceptions are unfounded—our society is terrible to its elders in general and its LGBTQ elders in particular—but there may be opportunities in his life for intimacy that he's not tapping into. Acquaintances LAG hasn't checked in on for a while.

Random cool cousins LAG never got to know. Volunteering gigs you fell out of.

"THE AUTHORITY ON ALL THINGS DATING"

It's easier to reanimate old friendships than to start from scratch. And if your therapist doesn't know of any good support groups—or if you don't feel comfortable telling your therapist how miserable you are, or if you've told your therapist everything and they haven't been able to help—find a new therapist. I'm a fortysomething gay male.

I'm single and cannot get a date or even a hookup. I'm short, overweight, average looking, and bald.

Gay dating tips from the movie IS IT JUST ME?

I see others, gay and straight, having long-term relationships, getting engaged, getting married, and it makes me sad and jealous. Some of them are jerks—and if them, why not me? Here's the part that's hard to admit: I know something is wrong with me, but I don't know what it is or how to fix it. I'm alone and I'm lonely. Dress appropriately, walk with your head held high and put a friendly demeanor on your swag. You may not change how people perceive you, but at least you can change how you present yourself. One thing that scares gay men the most is being rejected while expressing his attraction towards another person.

Rejection happens almost everywhere, and everybody gets it. Just learn to put things in perspective, look out for compliments and shrug off rejection. Be in the right mood for flirting Keeping shy or remaining as the party wallflower would get you nowhere. Flirting is not about sex One wrong notion about flirting with a fellow gay guy is that we tend to think it is all about having sex with him on the first date.

Be yourself Never pretend as someone you are not. Do not give up too easily There are some cases when you have to go through several unsuccessful dates before meeting the right one. Avoid pick up lines No one likes to hear conversations that are made up or are meant to catch your attention outright most of the time in a bad way. There's more focus on getting into a committed relationship than there is on making sure it's the right one.

The truth is that sometimes when you want a relationship so badly, you draft the first reasonable candidate. Or you're miserable because there's no prospect on the horizon. Neither is a good option. Especially at this stage of life, why would you want a relationship that doesn't bring you happiness? I can think of something far worse than being single, gay and older.

Gay dating – everything you need to know if you’re back on the prowl.

Being coupled, gay and unhappy. Dave Singleton works for AARP Publications and has written two books and numerous columns on dating and relationships. You are leaving AARP. Please return to AARP. Manage your email preferences and tell us which topics interest you so that we can prioritize the information you receive. In the next 24 hours, you will receive an email to confirm your subscription to receive emails related to AARP volunteering.

Once you confirm that subscription, you will regularly receive communications related to AARP volunteering. In the meantime, please feel free to search for ways to make a difference in your community at www. Share with facebook.

Flirting Tips for Gay Men | Dating Tips

Share with twitter. Share with linkedin. Share using email. Bette Davis used to say, "Getting older ain't for sissies.

If you're looking for love, these tips will get you headed in the right direction.

Neither is dating at midlife — especially if you're a gay man. Confront your fears You're never too old to find love, but that's not a message gay men hear very often. Embrace your new reality For every something entering the gay dating scene full of wide-eyed wonder, there's a something or a , or older-something man back on the market after a relationship ends.

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Pick your meet 'n' greet venues wisely Does walking into a gay bar make you feel more out of place than Lady Gaga shopping for clothes at a mall? Realize you can be single and happy Hey, you don't have to tell me it's tough being gay, single and over Please leave your comment below. Leaving AARP. Got it! Please don't show me this again for 90 days.

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